This is a lil’ bonus post for the Saturday update that I missed last month. Happy reading.
—
I’ve never been the sort of person to place much importance on New Year’s resolutions. Even when I tried to get into the hype, I couldn’t really get into it–because the arrival of the 1st of January of a new year is just another day for me. Nothing really happens. I wake up, get ready and get on with my day. Same old, same old. Nothing groundbreaking.
But for some reason, I feel like accomplishing something this year. Maybe it’s because I only have about a year of school left in Japan, or that I’m almost reaching a certain age milestone, or that I started a lifelong spiritual journey last year, or that… I don’t know. That I just have a lot of growing up to do, and a finite amount of time to do that in.
There is just so much that I want to do in life, but so little time.
And having been raised in an environment that chastises you for not being anything but perfect has instilled an odd sense of perfectionism in me; I want everything to be impeccable, and I want it to be done now. Sure, I can think of a lot things that I half-ass my way in, but when it comes to planning and stuff I care about, I set ridiculously high expectations for myself.
There can be no room for mistakes. If I fall short of my expectations, I would beat myself up over it–which isn’t healthy behaviour to keep bringing forward in life.
So I guess if there is a New Year’s resolution I’d like to achieve, it’s to change this particular mindset.
I don’t expect to make this trait completely vanish by the end of the year, but I do hope to lessen its severity in increments.
Here’s what I want: I want to freak out less when something goes wrong; I don’t want to despair or feel bad about myself over every single mistake; and I don’t want to lash out just because things didn’t follow my schedule precisely as planned to the second. Stuff happens, and I have to accept that.
What’s important is that I dust myself off and try again.
There are loads of things I need to improve on, and none of them can happen overnight. I need to keep improving my relationship with God, Japanese, cooking, level of environmental consciousness and filial piety, patience, altruism, consideration, overall knowledge… etc. Just too many things.
But as long as I do my best and focus on my long-term goal, that’s good enough. If it’s good enough for God, it should be good enough for me. … Right?
I started this journey of personal growth about three to four years ago. While I’m happy with my progress, I’m also extremely aware of how flawed and human I am.
Nn… What else? I guess the other thing I’d like to work on is to make the best out of my remaining time here in Japan. I don’t exactly know how much longer I’ll be here; whether I’ll return to Malaysia right after graduating, or if I’ll stay here for a year or two or three. So till then, I’d like to do as much travelling/sightseeing as possible.
There is so much I want to share with everyone on my blog, and I’d like to continue doing so. That means getting lots of material to write about. I’ve been here for almost a year and I’ve barely scratched the surface of all the places to explore and things to do.
Well, I guess that’s about it.
Aside from taking better care of my skin again. I’d hate to say it, but I kinda dropped the ball on that one last year. Now that I’m showing some signs of aging, I gotta be more careful. No more studying or working so hard till the crazy hours of the night that I get burned out again.
Ah, that’s what I say but I know that’s not going to happen.
Anyway, I think I’ll end this post right here. It’s not meant to be a long one; just a short musing sort of thing. Again, wishing you a great New Year, guys. All the best with your resolutions.
xoxo
